So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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