when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
