Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
God I need to hump something, right now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
