Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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