I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
