He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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