it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
where are my eyebrows?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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