yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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