I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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