I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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