i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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