When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
