4 words: hood of his car
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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