I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
