I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
