Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Holy sore nipples Batman
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
