I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
