question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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