I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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