Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
