There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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