found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
this will be a night to untag.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
