Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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