This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
