We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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