I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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