Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
