woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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