Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
