America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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