worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
