i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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