Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I supernannyed him into submission
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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