so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
