You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize