I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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