mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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