I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
