Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
