nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
