Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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