Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
