hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
