Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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