You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
