This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
