I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
