i already hear my dad disowning me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
