i need an iv and a liver transplant
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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