i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
