If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
