Need sex. Gaining weight.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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