Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Less talking, more tequila
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
