I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
