If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Floor bacon is actually really good
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
