we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
