FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
