Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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