put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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